It is very normal to want to be liked and accepted by others. Everyone at some point, wonders what others have to say about them. ( that’s if we are being honest) worrying about another person’s thoughts of you is definitely one of the surest ways to doubt yourself and of course be unhappy.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with your self.” Mark Twain
Imagine if we were to do things, just so that the people in our lives can be pleased with us. Now I’m not saying that you are to be selfish and heartless. I am talking about the “negative Nancy” that is always telling you that you should have done it the other way. I’m sure we all know one of those. Oh yes we have to care about the image we put out there, but at the same time don’t make it be about what others want for you. It should be about you and what you choose for yourself.
There is really no need to worry about what others think of you. When you think about it, no one is perfect, so everyone ( whether we like to admit it or not) has their own little insecurities that they deal with. If we look at things from this standpoint, it’s easier for us to worry less ( because we all have own issues).
One of the things we need to realize, is that what someone else think of us, is not who we are. They are not defining us. Only you can define who you are. It’s unfortunate that we have been socialized in such a way that teaches us to aim to be accepted by others. However, this is a cycle that has to the torn down and ripped apart. We have to start living for us, not for the next person.
Like I said before, I am no expert at this, I am just trying to figure it out and I am sharing what I find as I go along. How often do we make plans? Believe it or not we plan all the time, sometimes without even realizing that we are doing it. We plan what to wear to work tomorrow, what we are going to have for lunch, the route to take to work, what we will do as soon as we get in the house and I can go on and on. The point I’m trying to make is that, we plan all these little things out. Why are we not making plans to get to the big picture, the big goal in our lives. You can’t build a house without a blueprint, likewise, we can’t get to our goal without a detailed plan.
A lot of times we make plans, but we are not thorough enough. The thing is, making a plan is the easy part. Most people are very great at setting smart goals and making great plans. However, the challenge comes in when we have to take the necessary steps to make these plans become a reality.
There is no doubt that in order to achieve your goals, you have to plan. In planning:
- Your goals need to be attainable, yet challenging. Don’t make it too easy, always raise the bar for yourself.
- Make sure that it’s something that you want, don’t set a goal based on what someone else is doing. Do it for you.
- Your plan has to be specific and detailed. Don’t cut corners, don’t leave out any steps, regardless of how small it may seem.
So you planned everything out, now what? Now you just have to be persistent and relentless in making things work. Just remember it’s not a race, it’s not a competition, it’s just your own pursuit of a better you. Yes there are going to set backs, there are days when you just want to give up ( I have had many of those). There are even going to be times when you have to revisit the plan and start all over. They key is keep trying, keep pushing.
How often have you heard the saying “crawl before you walk”? I know that’s something I have heard countless times. Simply put, it is just telling you to do the basics before moving on to the advanced. You’re probably saying, “thanks captain obvious.” I find that, sometimes we need to be reminded of the basics, to fully understand what we really need to do, to get to the end result.
Are you living your true passion? Are you doing what you have always wanted to do? Have you given up on that one dream you’ve had since you were a teenager? For me my answers are no, no and no. Another saying I have always heard is that “it’s never too late” so there is still time for you to make that dream an actual reality.
I mentioned in my first blog that it took me five years to actually start my fitness journey. Even though it’s something I have always wanted to do long before that. What I am trying to say is that, however long it takes you to get to the end result, really doesn’t matter, as long as you start.
So it may be that you start going to the gym once per week or that you save one hundred dollars per week, or that you take one class per semester. Whatever your goal is, as long as you start and you stay consistent with making these baby steps then eventually taking another step you will get there.
It’s very important that you believe in yourself. How many of us can truly say that we believe in ourselves one hundred percent? ( I know I can’t) confidence is a very important trait to have. However, it’s sad to say, that the lack there of, can hold us back a great deal in our lives.
The thing is that, when you believe in yourself, there is a greater chance that you will take action and seize every opportunity available to you. There are so many times that I have doubted myself so much so, that I didn’t even bother to take a chance.
Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”
– E.E. Cummings
A lack of confidence, can cripple you so much, that you begin to create excuses. Here’s the perfect example, I have always wanted to start my own blog for some time now; but I was always thinking about the “what ifs” what if nobody reads it, what if it fails, I had so many “what if’s” in my head that I almost didn’t do it.
It’s not a easy task, but it’s an attainable one. You can, you will and you must. With confidence you can conquer the world. I feel like this is something we can all use in all aspects of our lives. Just start, take baby steps if you have to, but we really just have to start by believing in ourselves and believing that we can do it.
I have found that excuses and reasons are just that. I have found that for some time now, ( maybe for years) I have made so many excuses as to why, I haven’t lost weight, why I am not further in my career, why my relationship with others are not better, why, why, why. I would always have a great explanation, which would always outline very excellent reasons for my failures. Sometimes my excuses would even be me not owning my part in my decisions ( I would play the blame game and blame someone else). You see the thing with excuses, is that it allows you to feel comfortable with not doing what you are supposed to do. For example. For many years I would always say I gained weight because of my pregnancy. Yes this may be true, but my son is now six years old. ( I gave that excuse for five long years). I once read somewhere ( I forgot where) that as human beings we are able to feel dissatisfied with ourselves for a very long time. I have found this to be true in so many different aspects of my life. Instead of trying to change the things that I’m dissatisfied with, I would always remind myself of the reasons behind this feeling and then try to validate them. All I am trying to say is that regardless of the reason or the excuse, we still have to push pass it and get it done. How much longer can we give validation to an excuse? It is just that, nothing but an excuse.